Joni Mitchell - Both Sides Now (Live, 1970)

This song pretty much somes up how I am feeling today.

focus

I have once again lost focus. I have a new thought process, and it seems to be working for me. We will see. So i lost the focus on something but regained a new focus on something a dropped along time ago, me. I am focusing on my life as a whole, God, family, my happiness. I am finding my way to pure happiness

Day 10: consistancy not my forte

ok so I have this journey that I am trying to start, but I am obviously not consistant. My life is however changing, just not in the way I would like. I feel like I am going backwards rather then moving ahead. Being a mother is so much harder than I ever expected. Discipline seems to be no match for his will. My house is a consistant mess, but I am tired and feel as though all I do is clean. I am so lost as to why this is the case.
My business. oh my business. I love it, it is fullfilling and so much fun, but it too as everything else has it's down points. I am just needing one thing in my life to be perfect. I know that sounds like a lot, but if one thing would just run as it should, than I might beable to get a grasp on some others.

Day 2: Sleep, nature's refresher, or destroyer

I have always wondered about sleep. I know you need it, but I have always fought going to sleep, for all of my 32 almost 33 years I have fought going to sleep when I needed to. Mostly because when I really wanted to do something I would oversleep. I feel like I never get enough sleep, but I really don't want to sleep, but when I want to sleep I can't. Sleep is suppose to be restoritive, but I always wake up sluggish and feeling horrible. It takes me hours to start feeling ok. My goal for the next week is to do an experiment I will be in bed by 10 and up by 7 and see if I feel any better with a more regimented sleep schedule to see if that makes a difference.

Day One: The discovery

I have discovered many things over the years, and then I take the lessons and flush them down the toilet. Inspiration to waste in no time. The discovery this time, I am a loser. Well, maybe but I don't think so. I am just to scared to move forward. I am afraid of taking a chance on me, because I may fail. I can't let others or myself distract me from my path. If I fail at least I attempted something and a true lesson was learned right.
I also discovered that I am not as good at taking critism as I thought I was. I can't even process it or hear it. when it comes to people's opinions of me, I want them to think I am perfect (I know better, but I like to delude myself), I want to think I am perfect. I am ok with others imperfections though, unless they hurt me.
I have a great new business, that I finally feel motivated by. I love what I am doing. I am very close to a huge milestone in this business, and I am afraid I will follow old behaviors and allow myself to quit saying that I will never do it. I am trying not to allow that. but we will see.
This Blog will hopefully help me to overcome myself by putting into writing what my goals are, what my accomplishments and my failures. I can lie verbally, but I find it hard to be dishonest in writing.